Email too many details about stuff people don't give a shit about

Dear One & All,

This morning at around 11 AM, our orange adult female guppy had at least 25 babies! I couldn't believe it as we have been waiting so long for her to have babies that we were about to give up on her! We now have had 3 adult female guppies that have had babies. In our 5 Gallon tank, we have two orange adult male guppies and a breeder container inside the tank to hold the 18 baby guppies we had last week. And in our 10 Gallon tank, we have 3 adult females and a breeder container inside the tank to hold the 25 baby guppies that were born today. Cool, huh? We started out with just 2 adult males and 3 adult females given to us by a neighbor boy. Now we have 43 baby guppies to raise!

Love,
Vic

Me: Maybe a have a Boy Scout fund-raising guppy sale. [Vic's son is a Boy Scout]

Jim: Please let me advise you here. Immediately open 43 guppy college funding accounts, don't delay!

Me: They have schools but I don't think they have colleges.

Jim: Not enough detail. Could it be that they have colleges for orange guppies, but not for the other colors?

Me: Let's contact the GCLU (Guppies Civil Liberties Union) and get them on this injustice.

Jim: Don't tell Vic, she will be in the thick of it in short order!

Me:
Put 43 guppies in blender
Add 1/2 cup plain yogurt
1/2 banana
4 strawberries
Mix on Hi for 4 minutes
Chill and enjoy

Snob 101

Be insincere and post quotes with big words in them on your Facebook account, hoping people will think you are such a knowledgeable, wise person. Don't credit the original person who said the phrase. Try to get people to think you really talk like that.

Waste someone's time

Email someone to ask about their expertise in a subject. Let them email you back 2-3 paragraphs of good advice and instruction. Then email them back, completely ignoring the information they sent you with no 'thank you.' Go on your own way, completely oblivious to the good advice you were given.

Disparage others

Go mental, I must say. "Allegedly" post negative things online when you get mad at them...see
Complaint document against Courtney Love on TMZ for lessons, but warning you will most likely be sued! You can post Twitter insults at them about every 1-3 minutes, and don't forget to rant in your MySpace page blog! Be sure to accuse other people of things you have actually done...lol...that's a real winner right there.

More on this topic at Whoo Hoo Here Comes Courtney Love's Crazy Train

Follow the politician's lead

Style your hair like Rob Blogojevich and lie your ass off like Christopher Dodd.

Whine your way to a new job

Whine that you have lost your job but then do nothing to work toward new employment.

Think you are smarter than your twitter followers

Get in a huddle with your buddy on Twitter.

Create a plan to do fake RT (retweets) of each other's posts, but it's really the same post. So it's really kind of like a link exchange.

Think you are so incredibly smart and your followers on Twitter are not as smart as you. (OMG! You are SO clever!!!)

Then watch your follower list decrease as people un-follow you because your behavior is unethical, and YES, your followers are smart enough to figure out your little scam to win followers.