Snob 101

Be insincere and post quotes with big words in them on your Facebook account, hoping people will think you are such a knowledgeable, wise person. Don't credit the original person who said the phrase. Try to get people to think you really talk like that.

Waste someone's time

Email someone to ask about their expertise in a subject. Let them email you back 2-3 paragraphs of good advice and instruction. Then email them back, completely ignoring the information they sent you with no 'thank you.' Go on your own way, completely oblivious to the good advice you were given.

Disparage others

Go mental, I must say. "Allegedly" post negative things online when you get mad at them...see
Complaint document against Courtney Love on TMZ for lessons, but warning you will most likely be sued! You can post Twitter insults at them about every 1-3 minutes, and don't forget to rant in your MySpace page blog! Be sure to accuse other people of things you have actually done...lol...that's a real winner right there.

More on this topic at Whoo Hoo Here Comes Courtney Love's Crazy Train

Follow the politician's lead

Style your hair like Rob Blogojevich and lie your ass off like Christopher Dodd.

Whine your way to a new job

Whine that you have lost your job but then do nothing to work toward new employment.

Think you are smarter than your twitter followers

Get in a huddle with your buddy on Twitter.

Create a plan to do fake RT (retweets) of each other's posts, but it's really the same post. So it's really kind of like a link exchange.

Think you are so incredibly smart and your followers on Twitter are not as smart as you. (OMG! You are SO clever!!!)

Then watch your follower list decrease as people un-follow you because your behavior is unethical, and YES, your followers are smart enough to figure out your little scam to win followers.

Just leave it there

When the newspaper gets delivered, just let it sit where it landed. Don't pick it up. Let it turn into an eyesore of gray sludge.

Obnoxious basic for pet owners

Let your dog bark and bark.

Obnoxious Use of Sandpaper

Take some sandpaper and gradually, carefully remove all the little symbols from remote control. They'll think their eyesight is going.

Get Overly Defensive

Whenever someone comments on one of your ideas, or shares their thoughts in any way with you, comment about it in a public group, and defensively call it "criticism," instead of considering what they had to say could have merit or usefulness to you. Just put your guard up and be very huffy.

This assures your obnoxious status and you will never get any new or useful information from that person ever again.

Share Wrong Contact Info

Always give out your cell phone number and your email address wrong.

Then get mad when people don't get in touch with you like you "expected" them to.

Punish Good Deed Doers

When someone is going to do you a favor, be sure to bug him about it -- constantly.

Have No Shame

Nothing is more obnoxious than having zero ethics.

Here's an idea of how this can work:

Publish a newspaper. Give your advertisers preferential treatment.

That is, if they buy an ad, give them a news "article" about their business.

Yes, publish fake news just to give your advertisers a reason to advertise in your rag.

This is really obnoxious to the readers who are smart enough to notice this blatant kissing up.

Spam & Fake Hurt Feelings

Join a social network or a business network. Always push your own money making schemes. Never communicate other than just spamming.

When you get called out for this, or your messages are rejected, act all hurt. (sniff sniff)

Then unsubscribe as if you are really upset by what you pretend to perceive as harsh treatment.

See if anyone cares you are gone. They won't.

Over The Top Pious Obnoxiousness

Religion is another way to take your obnoxiousness to the next level.

Make sure you use statements like "But I'm a Christian," even to people you know to be Christians.

The 'holier than thou' attitude is a real winner for those seeking complete obnoxiousness enlightenment.

When this attitude is employed, always remember to feign
unawareness that you said anything rude.

You can also deploy this technique well if you are a parent. Compliment another parent on their parenting skills and how their child(ren) turned out. Wait for them to say the cursory "Thank you" and then they will compliment you on your child rearing skills in return. At this time, you can let them know that your children turned out well because it was all God's doing. This makes them feel as if they just took credit away from God and makes them feel small. This is an obnoxious coup!

Finally, make sure you are shocked and outraged by anything the other person says or does. This ensures your place as the most obnoxious. When you notice that people are avoiding you, then you know you have achieved your goals.

Blame Game - The Key to Obnoxiousnessity

• Blame the government.
• Blame the lack of government.
• Blame people who blame the government.
• Blame the government for inaction.
• Blame the government for any action taken.
  
• Blame people who pass on the blame.
• ______________________Fill in the blank.
  

How To Be Obnoxious To Neighbors Using Your Pet

Be too lazy to take your dog out on a leash to pee or poop. Let your animal just run free of leash. Let him or her run free to get into your neighbor's trash can on a regular basis. The neighbors just love picking up all the garbage your dog has strewn around.

Extra Bonus Points for obnoxiousness if your dog threatens your neighbor in their own driveway.

Extra Extra Bonus Points if the police have been to your residence on several occasions regarding complaints about your lack of concern over your animal's welfare, and you just don't care.

How To Be Obnoxious to Neighbors Tip 1

Every evening at around 5:30pm, drive into your driveway and honk your car horn until your family members come out to the car or open the garage door for you.

It's a great way to say, "Hey neighborhood, I'm home. Notice me."