Thursday, February 12, 2009
Just leave it there
When the newspaper gets delivered, just let it sit where it landed. Don't pick it up. Let it turn into an eyesore of gray sludge.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Obnoxious Use of Sandpaper
Take some sandpaper and gradually, carefully remove all the little symbols from remote control. They'll think their eyesight is going.
Get Overly Defensive
Whenever someone comments on one of your ideas, or shares their thoughts in any way with you, comment about it in a public group, and defensively call it "criticism," instead of considering what they had to say could have merit or usefulness to you. Just put your guard up and be very huffy.
This assures your obnoxious status and you will never get any new or useful information from that person ever again.
This assures your obnoxious status and you will never get any new or useful information from that person ever again.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Share Wrong Contact Info
Always give out your cell phone number and your email address wrong.
Then get mad when people don't get in touch with you like you "expected" them to.
Then get mad when people don't get in touch with you like you "expected" them to.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Punish Good Deed Doers
When someone is going to do you a favor, be sure to bug him about it -- constantly.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Have No Shame
Nothing is more obnoxious than having zero ethics.
Here's an idea of how this can work:
Publish a newspaper. Give your advertisers preferential treatment.
That is, if they buy an ad, give them a news "article" about their business.
Yes, publish fake news just to give your advertisers a reason to advertise in your rag.
This is really obnoxious to the readers who are smart enough to notice this blatant kissing up.
Here's an idea of how this can work:
Publish a newspaper. Give your advertisers preferential treatment.
That is, if they buy an ad, give them a news "article" about their business.
Yes, publish fake news just to give your advertisers a reason to advertise in your rag.
This is really obnoxious to the readers who are smart enough to notice this blatant kissing up.
Spam & Fake Hurt Feelings
Join a social network or a business network. Always push your own money making schemes. Never communicate other than just spamming.
When you get called out for this, or your messages are rejected, act all hurt. (sniff sniff)
Then unsubscribe as if you are really upset by what you pretend to perceive as harsh treatment.
See if anyone cares you are gone. They won't.
When you get called out for this, or your messages are rejected, act all hurt. (sniff sniff)
Then unsubscribe as if you are really upset by what you pretend to perceive as harsh treatment.
See if anyone cares you are gone. They won't.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Over The Top Pious Obnoxiousness
Religion is another way to take your obnoxiousness to the next level.
Make sure you use statements like "But I'm a Christian," even to people you know to be Christians.
The 'holier than thou' attitude is a real winner for those seeking complete obnoxiousness enlightenment.
When this attitude is employed, always remember to feign
unawareness that you said anything rude.
You can also deploy this technique well if you are a parent. Compliment another parent on their parenting skills and how their child(ren) turned out. Wait for them to say the cursory "Thank you" and then they will compliment you on your child rearing skills in return. At this time, you can let them know that your children turned out well because it was all God's doing. This makes them feel as if they just took credit away from God and makes them feel small. This is an obnoxious coup!
Finally, make sure you are shocked and outraged by anything the other person says or does. This ensures your place as the most obnoxious. When you notice that people are avoiding you, then you know you have achieved your goals.
Make sure you use statements like "But I'm a Christian," even to people you know to be Christians.
The 'holier than thou' attitude is a real winner for those seeking complete obnoxiousness enlightenment.
When this attitude is employed, always remember to feign
unawareness that you said anything rude.
You can also deploy this technique well if you are a parent. Compliment another parent on their parenting skills and how their child(ren) turned out. Wait for them to say the cursory "Thank you" and then they will compliment you on your child rearing skills in return. At this time, you can let them know that your children turned out well because it was all God's doing. This makes them feel as if they just took credit away from God and makes them feel small. This is an obnoxious coup!
Finally, make sure you are shocked and outraged by anything the other person says or does. This ensures your place as the most obnoxious. When you notice that people are avoiding you, then you know you have achieved your goals.
Blame Game - The Key to Obnoxiousnessity
- Blame the government.
- Blame the lack of government.
- Blame people who blame the government.
- Blame the government for inaction.
- Blame the government for any action taken.
- Blame people who pass on the blame.
- ______________________Fill in the blank.
How To Be Obnoxious To Neighbors Using Your Pet
Be too lazy to take your dog out on a leash to pee or poop. Let your animal just run free of leash. Let him or her run free to get into your neighbor's trash can on a regular basis. The neighbors just love picking up all the garbage your dog has strewn around.
Extra Bonus Points for obnoxiousness if your dog threatens your neighbor in their own driveway.
Extra Extra Bonus Points if the police have been to your residence on several occasions regarding complaints about your lack of concern over your animal's welfare, and you just don't care.
Extra Bonus Points for obnoxiousness if your dog threatens your neighbor in their own driveway.
Extra Extra Bonus Points if the police have been to your residence on several occasions regarding complaints about your lack of concern over your animal's welfare, and you just don't care.
How To Be Obnoxious to Neighbors Tip 1
Every evening at around 5:30pm, drive into your driveway and honk your car horn until your family members come out to the car or open the garage door for you.
It's a great way to say, "Hey neighborhood, I'm home. Notice me."
It's a great way to say, "Hey neighborhood, I'm home. Notice me."
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